Take it or Leave it

The car stops close to the entrance of the building. She wanted to step out, but he holds her back to talk to her. “We need to talk,” he says in a quiet and a soft voice.  She holds back and turns her body to face him and says, “Ok go on”. “You know I like you and I always have, but you know what our biggest issue in this relationship?” he says, looking straight ahead, his eyes following the people that are passing by the car. She takes a big breath and says with few tears in her eyes, “I can’t lose weight just for you, I have tried everything I can, and I feel you only care about my outer appearance and not the inner me, I can’t just click my finger and become slim. I have registered with the gym, and I am trying to do my best as I like you too. Let’s work together to lose weight”. He is holding the wheel firmly and says ” I know you are trying, and I can see, but you’re a build like that, this is your body. I can only be with you if I put you in the house for cooking and cleaning. But I can’t go out with you in public and show you as my Girlfriend or Wife”.

Whiles he is talking a memory flashes in her mind about her 28th birthday, spending with the man she believed she was in love with.  That day she made all the effort to dress nice and be her best in the hope to get a compliment from him, but he did not say anything just drove her to a bar and sat down, looking all the women passing by whom in her mind were slimmer and much more beautiful. They only exchanged the words “yes”, “no” for 2 hours. Coming back to herself and the conversation, she said “I can’t force or convince you to love me if you want to stay then stay if you don’t want to stay then go” they gave each other a hug then he drove off.

I believe we all have experienced similar situations. I used this example because it happened to me. I was down for almost a year because of it, but during that year I learned something surprising. I learned that some situations in our life happen to make us stronger and wiser. Before the breakup happened, I was trying to please everyone and make sure everyone said the words that I want to hear, words that I thought at that moment will please me. But in reality, they were words that made it an excuse for me to eat and get bigger and bigger.

I allowed people to step on me without fighting back, because my understanding at that point as an overweight person was, “I need to be loved, I need to be accepted, I need to fit in the crowd to be seen. When I was overweight, I wasn’t overweight because of my eating habit, no, I was overweight, because of my inner self-esteem. Which I am still working on and I must say is the hardest part of life. To take control of yourself and your thinking and love yourself. After that breakup, I learned to love myself; I learned to accept that not every person that walks into your life is made to be your healer, friend, partner, coach, etc. Some people come into our Life to wake you up, to change something about your life.

Different size Melanin Woman posing for the picture

Before I met this man, I always thought about going to the gym and losing weight, but never had the energy and excitement. So when he told me about my weight at that time, I thought I will win him back of losing the weight, but what God did for me was actually teach me to lose the weight for myself, love exercising and be around good healthy food.

With this Post today, I want you to start loving yourself no matter what you’re going through, make the most out of it. Most situations are a wake-up call telling us we need to change our lifestyle not for others but for ourselves.

You are a fantastic person, and you are doing a great job. I might not know you or have seen you, but no matter if you are a man or women. You are Amazing.